My First Week

So, it's now been 1 week since the diagnosis, and what a week it's been.

I've run the gambit of emotions. From unbridled optimism to a soul-scorching fear.

If I had my druthers, I much prefer optimism. :)

And really, there is no reason not to be optimistic. All indications are excellent for a good recovery.

Still there is that nagging doubt. You know - the one that comes on at 1:30 AM when the world is dark and quiet and it feels like morning will never come. Yet morning does come, and with the light the demons of the night are banished as quickly as soap bubbles on the sidewalk.

No matter how strong my spirit those doubts were doubled when I logged into FaceBook yesterday and saw a new posting for "In Memorium - Auburn High School". Reluctantly I clicked on the link only to find two friends had recently passed. We hadn't kept up since graduation, but these were guys that I'd went to school with since Jr. High. We weren't 'best buds', but we took many of the same classes, sometimes sat at the same lunch table - you know how it is. In my mind they are frozen in time. Both still those awkward teens with acne and lofty dreams and a brand new Driver's License.

And now both are no more.

I don't know what happened to Joe, I couldn't find any hint on the web other than a short obit, but Tony died of cancer.

Add to that one of my dearest friends - also friends since 7th grade - and one with which I have kept in contact - is at this moment in a Seattle ICU battling melanoma and apparently a brain hemorrhage. I remember just a little over a year ago her and I sitting at a Starbucks, joking about the 'little tumor' they found on her chest/shoulder, and how it really was more of an inconvenience for her than a worry.

So no matter how confident I am those situation tend to gnaw at my resolve.

It doesn't take much for me to realize how lucky I am. Even with all the crap going on I will get to see my 50th birthday, and hopefully years beyond, while Joe and Tony's lives have ended. I can't even bring myself to think too much about Anne, although I still do.

On a positive note I've seen my Endocrinologist this week as well as my family Doc and both appointments went very well. I'll post the details another day.

So there is nothing to do but move onward. I'm looking into various prostate cancer treatments at the moment and weighing the pros and cons of each course of action.

You know, it's not that there isn't enough information out there. The problem is there is almost too much information. I feel a bit overloaded. More on that later as well.

In the meantime I'm still proofing the galley of my book. I'm planning my marketing and starting to think about cranking up some publicity and signings. I'm training for my "Escape From Alcatraz Swim" on June 25th, and tentatively looking at some longer motorcycle rides.

But for right now it all feels quasi-real and a bit hollow.

-David